Link to full video: https://youtu.be/2x3I20Oz2gA

Once again, like every other uni project of mine (yes, this is really something i turned in inside an academic environment.. just dont think about it too much), this turned out a lot uhh.. shittier than i initially imagined! More like a shitpost rather than something serious..
Anyhow, heres the official summup of the video:

Short: The video depicts a young man with a weak grasp on reality, trying to find meaning in online spaces. This leads him to discover a strange world of conservative and neonazi politics mixed in with esoteric religious or spiritual aesthetics which pray on his desire for a higher purpose, leading him to lose grasp on reality alltogether.

Long: A young man sits inside a dark, empty room, reminding us of some kind of medieval dungeon and giving us a claustrophobic feeling. In front of him is an old wooden table, on which a computer, monitor and keyboard are placed. He stares into the monitor intently, with an almost panicked expression. The camera switches between his gaze and the contents inside the monitor. These contents depict online posts, some taken from actual online posts and some fabricated by me for more direct messaging - they depict an online "pipeline" trough which an individual can find themselves trapped inside a circle-jerk bubble of dangerous ideologies - it starts with the preaching of anti-capitalistic ideas, but genuine systemic critiques of capitalistic society quickly turn into conspiracy theories, in nature seeped in certain religious or esoteric spiritual ideas and aesthetics, which speak to man's subconcious desire for a higher purpose and meaning-making, and specially in a capitalistic society largely devoid of meaning, this proves a successful tactic to lure people who are already in a vulnerable position in life, and are looking for an anwser, reason, or way out of their suffering. This is usally people who are already mentally unstable or ignorant, either due to psychological issues or because of their young age. This leads to a mental state, quite detached from material, proven reality. This is why the young man in the end of the video ends up in a sort of non-space, a black void, a plane largely devoid of suggestions towards anything physical. He quite literally loses touch with reality and no longer has any reference as to what makes things real and what not.

The music playing trough the whole video: Zeena Schreck and Radio Werewolf - The Lightning and The Sun


Context / inspiration (ABOUT NIKOLAS SCHRECK / RADIO WEREWOLF):
A few years ago the song Buried Alive by Radio Werewolf got kinda popular on tiktok and i loved the song so much i went down a rabbit hole of researching the band, but mostly its leader Nikolas Schreck and hoollyyy shit man you truly never know what people be doing in their lives .. so basically, even after YEARS of watching this fucker yap on countless podcasts and interviews i still have no fucking idea what to think of him so just see this as me being super curious about this whole thing and that im not a fan of his or endorsing him in any way. He claims that when he was quite young he planned on moving out of America and living in Egypt, but then inside the tomb of Seti II he claims that Seti himself, the ancient Egyptian god, appeared to him and told him to go back to America to fight against christian fundamentalism. Thats why he founded the "band" (/ritual) called Radio Werewolf (in another interview he changes his story into the band being created to fight communism so yeah his stories are not very consistent), whose songs were auditory prayers/rituals - they described them as black magic which entrances the listener into doing their bidding, so basically since their name is also a reference to radio werwolf, a propaganda radio operated under Goebbels in nazi Germany, this is just a more quirky way to describe propaganda / manipulation of the masses. In their songs they often included references to nazi symbols or ideas, like the song that i used in the video is a direct reference to the book The Lightning and the Sun by Savitri Devi which is the fundemental text of esoteric hitlerism where Savitri writes about how Hitler is an avatar of the hindu god Vishnu, someone who brings destruction necessary for rebirth.. lmao.. Apart from that theres also a lines in the song Triumph of the Will such as "Eva, oh Eva! Come sit on my face! Berlin is burning but we are the master race!" , which paired with the previous fact about their name referencing a propaganda radio, made me believe for a while that they truly were just being ironic and were making fun of nazis instead of endorsing them, which is also something they themselves have said in the past, but like..
"asked if he was trolling, Schreck replied, “There’s an implication of insincerity in ‘trolling’ whereas those particular appearances were just slightly caricaturized exaggerations of the general beliefs I espoused at that time."" (from book Neonazi terrorism and Countercultural Fascism: The Origins and Afterlife of James Mason's Siege Read it here)
so like.. not really trolling, just kinda.. being clowns on a stage, making fun of.. themselves? Because one of the clips in my video includes Nikolas on one of his Tom Metzger TV show appearances (Tom Metzger, the neonazi and literal klansman), and you listen to the shit he is saying and you genuinely dont know if he is taking the piss and Metzger doesnt even realize it or if he genuinely believes in what he is saying lmao..

So anyway, long story short, he used to be a satanist, married the daughter of Anton LaVey (founder of the og Church of Satan), Zeena LaVey, later they realized Anton's church was just a larp club which they didnt like so they joined Aquino, also a notorious larper, in his Temple of Set (which they also later left because Aquino was a LaVey fanboy), he also got his ear cut off because he was putting up pro-AIDS posters in a neighbourhood with a lot of gay sex workers, got chased by one of them and before he could close the car door got his ear slashed and it fell in the gutter (Schreck later said it was a dumb joke and that he regrets it, sure man whatever), has also been a strong Charles Manson defender his whole life, wrote a really thick book about him (told the ppl who were tryna sabotage the release of the book that if they apply a sufficient amount of lubricant and fold the book into a cyllinder they can shove it up their ass) and included many quotes from Siege, yknow, the american school shooter manifesto as it seems, then as Nikolas very kindly explains in my video his band Radio Werewolf disbanded shortly after the USSR fell because "they completed their goal" (communism is GONE yippee! hooray!), even though ive heard many other reasons for the disbanding so idk, apparently he also felt that "the campier, Famous Monsters-inspired aspect... had run its course." and that "there was “tension between the Addams Family and the Manson Family side of Radio Werewolf", hmm i wonder which side of the family Schreck was on..
then they divorced and both became buddhists, while Nikolas randomly worships Kali Ma (hindu godess) as well, and these days lives in Germany, leads "sexual yogas" and on instagram stories seethes about his hatred for the communist regime which apparently killed a lot of buddhists and celebrates the death of Lenin every year and makes songs about how both liberals and conservatives are cringe (true) and then also posts pictures of him posing with the grave of someone he hates (which is really funny im ngl) and when i randomly messaged him about why he has ai generated music on his radio werewolf spotify account he surprisingly actually responded and called ai "one of the worst of the many horrors of this decade" (true). Also its kinda weird how he only goes onto podcasts and interviews with people who are very timid and horrible talkers so he just yaps for 99% of the time while the other person just oggles at him and praises him with absolutely zero pushback - he also says many times that he doesnt wanna recruit people into his ideology / practice or anything like that since its an elitist special boy club, but then its strange that he still appears on SOO MANYY podcasts and talks about the same shit over and over again, brah if you just wanted to circlejerk inside your own special boy club then why are you promoting it all over. SOMETIMES he denounces his actions when he was younger while he was still in radio werewolf but then other days he kinda forgets about that and says that he is still continuing what he started in radio werewolf (i think when he denounces his younger self he just means his satanist self and not his uhh neonazi idol self) so yeah he is funny sometimes but there is also way too many signs that he is the exact same edgy teenager who was in the abraxas clique and hailed eugenics and white supremacy i kinda just got an ick for the whole occult and gnosticism thing which he really peddles. Every time i hear anything aboout gnosticism or esotericism i just imagine LaVey and Aquino's klansman larper ass and then Schreck as an afterimage of someone who took the larp way too seriously and sees himself as a prophet


sorry this shit is so fucking funny

(About his ideology)
His ideology is very hard to pinpoint as simply left or right, hes kinda all over the place, or i guess his ideology has less to do with actual politics and tangible societal happenings but more to do with his spiritual beliefs which affects everything else. He is proudly elitist and believes that some people are inherently better than others (hmm...)(this ironically makes him similar to LaVey and Aquino both of whom he hates oh so much) and that equality is impossible and that some people just "get it" (like enlightenment). It seems he also resents people who treat religion, spirituality or ancient customs/rituals/myths/gods as a larp or understand these things as systems of symbols constructed by humans to explain complex concepts and experiences in life, which ultimately dont reveal universal truths but moreso act as abstract spaces within which we connect our own truths like an exploration and manipulation of the human psyche to follow certain patterns and meaning-making constructs, but Schreck seems to take these things at face-value and believes that all these ancient gods, spirits, beings within ancient texts or rituals are actually REAL beings which rule us in another plane, this is why he denounces satanism because he believes that satanists are naively and unknowingly inviting real demons into their lives, while also emphasizing that beings like baphomet and the symbol of it with the goat head, the same as the being of satan/lucifer as commonly understood are misunderstandings created by many years of tampering and misunderstandings / mistranslations of certain texts, but idk how he can be so goddamn sure of his own buddhist and hindu beliefs if all symbols and gods are subject to such historical tampering.. he strongly believes that there is objective TRUTH which you find trough these very exclusive spiritual clubs that have masters and initiates that have like lineages going back thousands of years and shit, and when you read this shit you might think ohh this is all so cool and mysterious and grand! But beneath the aesthetics and mysteriousness there is still.. reality.. sure, maybe our ancient ancestors had some sort of cosmic secrets that we forgot troughout history, but then again.. times move on, there has been so many horrible injustice done because of stupid superstition, "universal cosmic truths" which enforce irrational rules that arent based on any reason for TANGIBLE WELLBEING of anybody, but act as floating abstract ideals that invisibly bind the world to a state of misery. Schreck goes on and on about the "kali yuga" which is our current "dark age" of suffering and misery, and im pretty sure its not some cosmic rule that this dark age is inevitable and inescapable, but a product of REAL PEOPLE who THINK theyre gods or gods soldiers who fuck everything up because theyre so out of touch of what really matters in life and what is actually good for society. Basically, i feel like by respecting ancient customs and rituals of people who lived in a completely different world than we do, we are imprisoning ourselves in the past and respecting the spiritual world more than the real one.
I began to notice this sorta outlook in all the videos i was getting recommended after researching this shit, which is indestinguishable from schizo-tok and posts from ppl who are in spiritual mania, also the more general "spiritual community" is so fucking annoying bro im sorry you cant preach universal love and spiritual ASCENSION while ai generating your stupid color-vomit vaguely eastern patterns and images of krishna blowing up a universe with his mind dude you literally have no soul and are trying to substitute it by ai generating "epic" looking decorum for your vaguely esoteric self-jerk.. no seriously i included the random ai image in the video bcs 1. i keep seeing these hardcore spiritual people using ai which is genuinely the most spiritually corrupt thing you can ever do and 2. these mfs claim theyve ASCENDED beyond the stupid ordinary people and that theyre super omega ENLIGHTENED but then theyll unironically deify stereotypical masculinity and femininity as like two ancient magical spirits so theyll divide their entire spectrum of human psyche and experience into binary gender divisions LOL man fuck your divine feminine and especially your divine masculine "energies" and go fuck yourself bruh surely trough thousands of years of literary, scientific, artistic, technological progress we have expanded the human experience beyond just binary reproductionary roles and survival-of-the-fittest mindsets, no???

YOGA CRYSTAL MOMS and #NOTICERS:
One of the influences on this video was also my friend's mom who is straight up the most stereotypical detached hippie yoga mom of all time like this woman completely seriously believes that before every person is born, our souls CHOOSE which life to be born in beforehand because the souls already see whats gonna happen and they choose to go trough specific lives to "take specific lessons" and i think my friend once asked her if the people who went trough the holocaust picked their fates too and she was like "yeah they mustve learned something important from it" and she makes her whole living just taking money from people by doing spiritual consultations or some shit just so you know im not making these people up in my video these people exist and they walk among us (plus theres like 3 middle aged women i know that genuinely believe the earth is flat and that is 3 people too many)
In this section are also included tiktok spiritual people ive seen who see everything as a sign from higher forces and specifically that life's hardships are actually tests / challenges from the universe which i mean.. i would love to see you overcome the "challenge" of getting a bomb dropped on your head or becoming disabled because a cheaply and quickly made construction collapsed on your head yeah yeah yeah oh no but im sure you just need positive energies to manifest your dream reality yesssssss twin lets manifest a 15% urban outfitters discount twinnn
Same thing with esotericpilled special boy incel #noticers who just loop the same few lines like evangelicals like GNOSIS and ASCENDING and AS ABOVE SO BELOW which is followed by a bunch of larp about MAGICKK and when they realize that the world isnt very black and white and is more subjective than they initially thought they go straight past the nuance and empathy stage and just straight into manipulation and control of reality which goes trough the secret society stage of esotericism which inevitably leads them past all the critical analysis of the world based on real data and real people straight to the #jews but even after all that #noticing these people never #notice a fucking #shower or a #hobby which i think is truly the most esoteric and mysterious thing of all

HOWEVER as ive already said, the people who fall for this kind of shit are usually people who are already in a vulnerable position in life, so all i can really say is to be careful to not loose touch with reality, also i realize that a good portion of my outlook on these esoteric spiritual communities comes from tiktok and online platforms which i know doesnt entirely reflect realiy either but tying back to my real world experiences from these people there does seem to be a pattern of percieving reality as very hazy and nontangible with no clear truth or anchor rooted in plausible reality
if you actually read this far i am so sorry im just trying to justify spending 2 months on this stupid video

A little pocket book (that you can put into your.. pocket) to remind you of the ways to build a fairytale utopia: a tale told trough colorful figures representing freedom, love towards self, others, and the environment, shared human culture like music and dance, burning passion and wonder!

Yup, another absolute hot garbage uni project where i genuinely thought i could successfully interpret the 10 layers of Dante's paradiso, a concept within a text that is infamously abstract and complex in many historic, religious and philosophical contexts, within 2 months.. i dont know man.. The original prompt for this assignment was actually to illustrate letters lmao or at least incorporate numbers in some way or letters, and my dumbass thought i could outdo Gustave Dore or something
Ok whatever so basically i ended up removing any negative stuff specifically anything that had to do with christian morality and i tried making like a step by step narration of a more general utopia i guess and the narration was supposed to go something like this:

1. The Moon: deficient fortitude, inconstancy -- gentle-ness, and flowing dynamicism, forever-changing gentle moon, like the wind, like a forever-present whisper in the background hum of reality: "embrace change with gentle-ness"

2. Mercury: the ambitious, doing good for fame but out of ambition were deficient in the virtue of justice, "ceasar i was and am justinian" -- the ambition to push gentle change into reality, the ambition to change something and actually act, not remain asleep and passive. "dont sleep yet. gather your ambition and put things into action!"

3. Venus: the lovers, deficient in temperance (voluntary self-restraint) -- the previous ambition should be imbued with love and passion, a lighthearted playfulness, ambition should be driven by a love and passion for something genuine

4. The Sun: the wise, here are the souls who illuminate the world intellectually, -- an insatiable desire and love for knowledge will illuminate the road ahead, and give you a clear direction to aim your ambition

5. Mars: the warriors of the faith, displaying fortitude (courage - the choice and willingness to confront agony, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. valor is courage or bravery) -- warriors that look death in the eye and refuse to submit to it until their last shiver. If the road ahead is interrupted by the reaper of death, refuse its finality, prophecy, and absolute nature, and rise again from its ashes. REFUSE DEATH IN ALL ITS FINALITY!

6. Jupiter: the just rulers -- faith, while grabbing death in its tracks, immortalize your knowledge and ambition with your creations, not your name or lineage. Let creation alone be your faith, not detached divine idols or institutions that revere them

7. Saturn: the contemplatives -- rest, sabbaoth or sabbath, death is finality but its relative sleep is a welcome nymph of respite, as a just ruler of death, allow every living being the chance to dream in their sleep and imagine something new, free from needless suffering and hardship

8. The Fixed Stars: faith, hope, love -- hope, and the future, with sufficient rest allow every living being to awaken in the embrace of the stars, to awaken with visions and hope for a new tomorrow, a new future, give them a horizon worth dreaming towards

9. The Primum Mobile: -- a mysterious force that keeps the world spinning! (love / thelema?)

10. The Empyrean: a realm beyond physical reality, where resides: "her who is called Barbēlō", the self-gendered Father and Lord of all things, and the virgin-born Christ , a realm that is as mysterious as the future, incomprehensible and seemingly blank.. like a page. its your turn now!

A toy i designed together with someone from industrial design! The pictures of the mockup models and renders below are made by her! Its fruits that can be dissasembled and reassembled with magnets and when you take them apart you see illustrations inside! I took Adventure Time as an inspiration for the illustrations bc they do funny emotions so well

Made with watercolors - making this also cemented my opinion that watercolor is the greatest medium of all time by FAR. Compared to alchochol markers or paints its relatively cheap, suppperrrrr easy and comfortable and friendly for mobility since all you need is a little box of pigments with a small paintbrush and a piece of good paper and thats it, you just pour a small amount of water into the box lid and baam, also super easy to clean in comparison to.. ughh.. accryl*cs.. like you just sneeze into a napkin and wipe the paint in one swipe and youre done i LOVEE WATERCOLOR!!! :3
One thing though is that you NEED good quality paper or else theres no point - i think i made this on smooth hot pressed grain satin paper, i have Daler Rowney's super smooth hot pressed satin paper block and it feels so nice im kinda scared to paint on it lol but ahh its so good

Also i think ive used some Van Gogh watercolors as replacements for my Schminke ones and i lowk didnt notice a big difference so theyre great if you dont wanna pay premium for Schminke although i would also recommend investing in Schminke bcs theyre so faking good and i think their pigments last you a bit longer like ive had the same Schminke set with just myb 2 or 3 replacements for like 8 yrs of using it occassionally and theyre just rlly good in general you wont regret it! If youre thinking of buying Rembrandt watercolors though i heard they look kinda earthy and washed out so if you want more vibrant colors, Van Gogh's are super saturated and overall better while Schminke is just that extra level of premium ok rant over

I had this idea or feeling for a drawing where an array of beasts with fangs tear at eachother but one of them, the (at least somewhat) human, not gafing and doing a quirky ironically shocked youtube thumbnail pose, not really supposed to be evoking ancient humanism but it kinda seems like it

I genuinely dont remember why i used dante from devil may cry for this, i think because of the vague overall message about humanity that he carries in the games, chosing to embrace his human side and being unapologetically human, not in the cynical "imperfections" sense but in the sense where humanity means to be unapologetically kind-hearted and hopeful more than anything else.

And especially in dmc4 dante has this very nonchallant carefree attitude towards the horrors he deals with and i really like that

haha get it guys he only shows his fangs when he laughs aha peace and love guys xxxx


The world sometimes seems so incomprehensibly nonsensical and cruel you rlly have nothing else to do but just laugh?? Like wow i live here.. in this actual pig farm shithole timeline sharing air with elon musk's turd looking ass
Like sometimes it feels like some of these clowns in power heard those old anderson-style childrens tales when they were still kids and instead of being scared of the big bad evil monster they took it as gospel and were like yeah i need to become like that evil creature and then i wont be scared of anything anymore!.that you just have to point and laugh atp. Sometimes it feels like the world is ran by insecure incel 4chan /b board users who jerk off to gore and unironically think the fucked up things are cool and epic and they think being cool means wearing a comically large golden chain with a pimp hat fedora and a car worth 90% of their fortune and a corny ass 30k watch and having abs and a hot blonde chick with huge tits who they cheat on every millisecond and that being a soulless heartless creature with no empathy or passion is like the most based thing ever like genuinely how do you not just die from laughing what the fuck even is this

In this artfight i tried being faster by doing more doodly things but soon realized this makes me absolutely miserable and that i actually enjoy spending a lot of time and effort on just a few drawings. The more you know!

This is Boothill from the (gacha) game Honkai Starrail. In essence he is a character who has his family and planet killed by an imperialist intergalactic monopoly called "the IPC" ("Interastral Peace Corporation") and in his persuit of revenge he discards his human body for a robotic one, to be more capable and powerful to fight back against the IPC. How much does it take to level out the playing field? Is one human body enough?

Nothing really happens in this illustrative narration just like how nothing happened in Arcane season 2 (cries)
I kinda have a confirmation bias problem together with just generally giving the creators of things all the benefit of the doubt so when i first finished season 2 of Arcane i unironically was like wow this changed my life this is the greatest piece of leftist media ever and then i FUCKING WOKE UP

Genuinely i was so blindsighted by the Viktor x Jayce tragic yaoi arc i completely ignored everything else. Genuinely nothing happens in this show. Season 1 shows Vi's parents and people be demonically brutalized by the cops of Piltower, in season 2 this bitch gets repeatedly treated like a rabid starving dog, kicked and punched around by Caytlin and then she BECOMES A COP AND STAYS WITH CAYTLIN? "Im the dirt under your nails, cupcake" BBBBBHHHEEURGRHHEHEHGGHGHHHHHHHHHHUURRRLL KILL ME LITERALLY SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD

"why do people commit acts others deem unspeakable? for love" ahh shut the fuck up bro omgg yapper town over here
lame + stupid + ur not a vibe + fake deep
bro do people murder for love? does jeff bezos live in ignorance and filthy amounts of wealth extracted from exploitation for love? Did Caytlin do allat for love? what the fuck brah
hear me out guys.. what if.. the thing which pushes people to do hateful/ignorant/selfish acts.. is actually hate/ignorance/selfishness/individualism/cynicism/nihilism ?? just a theory though.. like what in the fake deep 1st philosophy class is this lmao. This ONLY makes sense in the context of this show, but its so detached from real life it pisses me off how they make viktor of all people say this braindead fucking take. Like maybe that was the point, to show that Viktor was wrong about this but reading the showrunner and writers thoughts on the season doesnt give me a lot of faith in this interpretation umm
But lowkey even after dissecting everything i hate about season 2, i keep somehow going in loops and thinking hmmmm well idk what if all that was intetnional tho.. Like, Viktor and Jayce abysmally fail at helping people trough technology because they live in a system where they have to prove themselves to shareholders instead of being able to respond to actual need and demand from the common people, bcs im pretty sure their hexgate is only something rich ppl can use for trade and stuff, and it distances Zaun even more from Piltover, making the class gap even larger, while just relying on the workers of Zaun even more to make their shit. And this is already said in season1 that both Vik and Jayce hate this outcome but in season2 there is not a single mention or hint as to where they went wrong. I suppose it could be bcs Jayce revived Vik out of his love for him which lowkey breached Vik's autonomy and kinda defied death by technology.. idk i dont wanna writea whole essay here but im still hella confused with what i actually feel about this show but lets just say i did not fucking like the ending. Nothing happened because Savika is now in the council, which just means she can be voted out asap, the 2 genius inventors are now DEAD and everything is FUCKED. Piltover is STILL exploiting Zaun, nothing happens. Is that the point they wanted to say? That centrist liberal policy doesnt change anything meaningful? Hmmmmm i literaly have no idea

Viktor is now a religious symbol, Jayce abandons his research into hextech, he prays for Viktor to make it all alright, and everybody dies exactly where they stood before this. Nothing changed.

People often portray utopia as a place where nothing happens, everything is stagnant, and there is simply nothing more to be done, the final detstination. And this is never actual utopia, because theres always something sketchy underneath, or people are simply unhappy. And theyre right, this isnt utopia, not because utopia is impossible, but because this version of it is just biblical heaven. Which is indestinguishable from oblivion. You are dead. If you find yourself searching for a forever stagnant utopia, you are wishing for death. True utopia is a forever shifting organism with a solid foundation keeping it in place, like a flower or a dandellion. The foundation is a bottom-up system which prioritizes the rights and wellbeing of every human being above all forms of profit. The seeds are the myriad of different worlds and systems which take flight from the initial dandelion stem.
Its impossible to solve every equasion. If youve solved every equasion and your persuit is over, then most likely you are already dead and tricked by the angels to think you are in your final destination. Stagnation also doesnt mean comfort and rest. A perfect utopia is possible, and its nothing like biblical heaven, because it isnt the end.

Two merch designs for a minecraft building event organized by twitch streamer Roscumber, raising money for type 1 diabetes! The mascot was a kitty called Panko, short for pancreas!
(the light blue kitty in the middle)

Queen of the Damned - Akasha's Dance

A scene from the forest behind my house, especially during covid i took walks up here every single day in the morning and if it was sunny, cold AND foggy? oughhh this scene was especially mesmerizing! The way the hills roll from the closest to the furthest in just a light blue haze always looks so magical with the bright green grass field thats just beyond this little dirt hill. Its always very pretty here

kittyyyy :D

If anyone is confused what the big light rectangle is its an A3 paper map inside a black tote bag and my tiny denim bag (with a charm of Jean from AOT :D) that i bought in fucking urban outfitters when i was in London (we dont have them in slovenia) and this shit is so useless and worst of all overpriced as hell bro i get the vibe its just for aesthetics and has zero actual practical design done bc if i put like two items inside of it the closing flap or whatever its called cant close over the bag and theres no magnet or button to close it or anything so it just looks like a fucking blue diaper bro keep your stupid urban outfitters bro i dont want it anymo

My lovely 3 by 3 metres large room (orange) with a trinket wall and a cheap fuck ass white table thats like horizontally funky.. like its smaller towards the door and wider towards the window bc my room is so small i need it to be that way so theres space to enter it. Anyway, owning one's very own room as a concious and aware adult human being makes you realize two things:
1. NEVER EVER EVER EVER BUY WHITE GLOSSY FURNITURE. Seriously, every speck of dust is visible and it looks straight up disgusting if you dont have time to clean the dust off like twice a week. Like ik if you get any other color furniture the dust is still there but arguably if i cant see it then its not rlly my problem :)
2. ENCASE EVERYTHING, NOTHING SHALL BE EXPOSED TO THE ELEMENTS. Once again i fuckingggg fucking fucking H A T E cleaning dust and since my room is kinda too small for cupboards/wardrobes with doors i just have a bunch of small shelves and small tables around my room where i put all my shit on, and theyre just exposed to the world and gather dust like how palantir collects my personal information for future wartime profit and it really makes you think how simple it is to make a person happy because my number one, most fucked up, shameless, sloppy, erotic desire that i dream of every night in bed, is a reasonably big cupboard with glass windows inside the doors.. ouughhhhhghhhghhg..... the things i would put on those shelves.. mmmh.. and then- holy shit- and then i would.. grab the door handles.. and C-CC-CLOSE the doors.. fffuckkk

I stopped playing Genshin after Fontaine bcs i hate the company and also the main story or any quest for that matter is just kinda ass and also... the

and i still to this day havent played natlan but mualani looks so adorable i kinda love her im so sad she lives inside a hoyoverse game

I drew this after waking up in the middle of winter and seeing the most brightly saturated, DEEP blue sky i have EVER seen in my entire life, paired with a bunch of glowing white snow reflecting back into the sky ! (which is becoming increasingly rare these days..)

Gallagher from (gacha game) Honkai StarRail, Penacony story

This is very unfinished but i was OBSESSED with Penacony's ending, there was a lot of philosophical talking which was very vague, which is awesome for me because even if the actual intended message is nowhere near to what i managed to interpret, it gave me room to just make shit up and fit my own message in there (i have a confirmation bias problem). I dont remember the exact interpratation of the actual story, but it was something about my hatred for Sunday as the pretentious fake-deep nepobaby cult leader he is and how the people of Penacony in this illustration wake up from their consumerist hedonism, and revolt against the divine robotic form of Sunday, looking up at Gallagher (who is not exactly a human but a manifestation of multiple people from Penacony, hes like a dream fragment, not actually real but a mix of people and things, a creature, a memory, to me he represents the people of Penacony in general, a piece of art crafted and molded into one person, a mirror and reflection of mundane Penaconian life, the average spirit of a Penacony resident hidden under all that glitz and glamour, under all that haze of the dream.). "To the imperfect tomorrow" he says, standing amidst the overwhelmed crowd like a symbol, something fictional yet so tangible and moving. The symbol toasts to a new tomorrow, knowing it will be far from perfect, comfortable, or ideal. But as long as the symbol is a mirror of the people and not a God made up of dolls, then there is hope.

Gallagher's last words / Cutscene

Heres a screenshot collection of some memorable moments from Penacony which inspired me

"If people are to live with dignity, there must be nothing and no one above them" ookay miss redd

"how many of them go to the cinemas for those things?" profitable artwork only huh

helo everyboby im larpiplier

Boothill from (gacha game) Honkai StarRail, Penacony story (Slumbernana fever dream questline)

Baby Boothil was supposed to be holding a gun here but i hate drawing mechanical things so i just kinda didnt, other than that i was happy with how this sketch looked so i didnt rlly bother detailing it further, i captured the peaceful expression of baby boothill and that was all i needed

Inspiration Cutscene - "Its a shame youre stuck in a dream. Cant lay eyes on the land i love. Its so gorgeous, youd be willing to die, right there."
Lowkey the last part of that scene is kinda cringe but lalalalalala i cant hearr

// THE ENTIRE ZINE //

made with my classmates, if you like what you see you can find their awesome work here on their socials! :
// @menka_art // @persimmon._._ // @tinkarakart // @tommysketchbook // @jurc.art // @flisvanja //

The most whole picture of the entire zine that i have, we set this up for the usual academy exhibitions we always have at the end of each semester. The other pics with the orange background are from another exhibition we set up at Dobra Vaga in Ljubljana.

THE CONCEPT: we decided to make one long illustration depicting a city, divided into 8 sections, where each person could draw whatever they wanted with the theme "city", like different parts of a city or whatever else, leaving some space on each side so we could connect the illustrations together for a more seamless look. Then we got some lore where WE are part of a secret evil corporation that controls the city trough advertisements, honestly some of the lore is a bit lost on me bcs i was absent a lot during this time but its basically just a very chaotic city ran by an evil corpo - thats where the G logo comes from, its like supposed to be a sort of subliminal messaging together with the ads. So on one side of the paper we have our city illustrations that we combined and printed digitally, and on the other side we screen-printed a flashy pattern resembling the obnoxious color and flashiness of magazines or tv advertisements with the "NEW!!!" "20% OFF !!" type stuff, and on top of that is a bunch of ads that we drew up, sorta incoherently layered on top of eachother.
The exhibition space is then plastered with sketches and other random illustrations we could do individually to sorta flesh out the lore in the background if we wanted to. The city is called Gramfall, and the corporation as well i think? Idk why its called that but its 8 letters so each of us could draw one letter and tape it to the wall above.

The obnoxious magazine adverstisement background i made!

(photographs below are not mine)

Okay so my first idea for the city illustration was to pick the city graveyard and do something with that, i think i was in another one of my radio werewolf phases at the time lmao. Since we wanted to do something vaguely socially-critical with the city, i genuinely thought really hard about what i wanted to say here, and i landed on doing something with "retirement". My dad was just about to retire a few months after that, and his last few years at his job were straight up horrible. His job was all fine and dandy until the company he worked for got aquired by a bigger telecommunications company in 2019/2020, then everything went to shit. Like 3 people were in charge of a telecommunications net spanning like 3 fucking cities, or a whole ass region in other words, ONLY 3 PEOPLE. So each had a neverending supply of work, but my dad is the eldest and most experienced out of all, so he was pretty much in charge of it all by himself since noone else knew how to do half of the shit. On top of that, they have like some sort of rating system for their work, idk man im not gonna go into details but crazy dystopian shit. "family-friendly company" oookay. Literally didnt even give enough of a shit to look for more employees or even someone to replace my dad after he retired, so now the TWO PEOPLE LEFT have ALL the work and bcs there is nobody else around abandoned old people are calling my retired dad and crying on the phone for him to come and fix their tv bcs they have noone left but jeez anyway-

So basically both my parents worked so hard for their exploitative ass jobs it completely put me off of the entire thing, 40 years working like a dog to make someone else obscenely rich while your body and mind erode, just so you can MAYYBEEEE make it to the retirement age (which is being pushed higher and higher btw) where you BARELY have enough money for anything, and god forbid your health gets bad because then you spend your awesome retirement years writhing in pain and swallowing pills, barely capable of doing any work.
Like idk man its such a scam, because literally every family gathering all i hear is "only 10 more years to retirement!" ?? Every single time its like a calculate retirement age club. I genuinely dont get it, if the retirement age was about 50, like how it was HERE literally 20 years ago, itd be fine, but dude.. 65 years.. at that point you may as well just put me in a casket and let me rest man.. if i even manage to make it to that age by some miracle! Who says i wont just drop dead in 10 years, and then what? Ill be fucking dead!

So this was a pretty bitter and frustrating inspiration for my project, and i honestly was struggling with it big time. I kinda wanted it to be light-hearted and fun, but with some dark undertones? So im basically depicting a bunch of pensioners living their retirement dreams, playing cards and talking, but theyre rotting and falling apart materially, kinda like the grandpa in front with the propeller hat playing mario doesnt rlly mean anything lmao, and the people sleeping in the catacombs in the backround are people who died before getting to retirement, kinda like a sinner not repenting before dying so he goes to hell because he doesnt "deserve" to be in heaven lmao, but at the same time i also wanted to present them as doing hobbies that they didnt have time to partake in while they were alive, so just chilling listening to music, reading, chilling in general, not concerned with everyday stress anymore. I deadass dont remember what i was tryna do with the two lover skeletons embracing ... there uhh is also the grim reaper, and also, uhhhmm uhh dracula and also braindead giants in grandpa undies? I guess the overall idea was this:

"The dream youve been working towards for 40 years is just an absurd fantasy", like a piece of propaganda telling you how great and awesome you are if you do this and that. I just dont find it a realistic goal at all, and im an idealist at heart dude. I would love to work until i die if my job didnt exploit the shit out of me, squeezing me out of every ounce of life and energy i have, but thats obviously not the case with most jobs. Even art jobs are jobs at the end of the day, but thats a rant for another day. Ultimately this drawing shows just how confused and bitterly chaotic my thoughts on this topic are (or were at the time). I ultimately decided to persue this idea because i saw a book cover somewhere online that said "How to find purpose in life after retirement!" with like a corny corporate photo that looked like an ad for fruit juice where two old people were smiling on a sun-lit grass field and it pissed me off to no end. "Purpose in life after retirement"??? Holy shit man.. do people genuinely make their entire life revolve around their job and have kids just cus they dont have.. like.. hobbies ? Yes! And it pisses me off, makes me sad! Horrible! What are we doing? 4 day work weeks with 6 hour days NOW!!!!!!!!! Retirement EVERY WEEK !!! If modern society requires this much suffering for it to work then it doesnt deserve to exist at all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway heres a totally accurate to real life self-portrait of me if i was an evil (secretly undercover) corporate overlord!

I dont think i really took this project as seriously as i should have, like idk it turned out kinda ass but the bright red dramatic one is alr ig. The point was to make 3 illustrations of the same event (i chose a dream i had where i was rollerskating with the previous president of Slovenia Borut Pahor and my highschool english teacher around a huge mall and then ending up in a giant cookie factory but my highschool english teacher already ate all the cookies once we got there) in 3 diff ways - an objective, dramatic, and comedic way. Idk it was kinda boring cus like.. yea dramatic means bright colors and crazy perspective, comedic means absurd, wowww groundbreaking education wowwa!!! When i was glueing together that last one i was asking myself what the fuck am i doing with my life like i couldve been studying something actually useful right now but im printing out silly cats from pinterest and taping them onto paper like what the fuck

i dont know what the FUCK is happening either here man

Reference

The sudden appearance of goblins may seem random, and thats because it is, i love these painting classes but goddamn.. it gets so boring at some point, i also get super hungry because this shit lasts for 4 hours and by the end of the first hour im just counting down the minutes until i can go home lol. The whole color experiemntation thing was also very much not working for me, idk i just cant do it. Everything kinda looked ass and instead of fixxing it i covered it up with a goblin and the professors didnt seem to mind so yeah. I bet my classmates think i was trying to be funny but i was genuinely losing braincells and was desperately trying to entertain myself to stop me from just leaving and going home, thats why you can see random shit in my paintings from drawing and painting class as well..

The folk tale i illustrated was from a slovenian village about a wolf who encounters a fox, tells her hes going to visit the king (lion) and give him gifts because he is sick, and asks her if she will visit him too. She says no and the wolf is on his way. The fox realizes that this sleezy ass bitch ass wolf will probably snitch on her to the king for not coming to visit him, so she hurries behind him before the wolf can snitch, and lies that she knows the cure for the kings illness, which includes cutting off the wolf's whiskers and tickling the king with them (idk)

This shit was driving me crazy bro i spent SOOO LONG ON THIS i had another moment of "what the fuck am i doing with my life spending literal weeks of my life drawing a furry folk tale" because it wasnt even looking right so yeah whatever. Honestly the colors and rendering look kinda crazy good but i didnt have enough time to gaf abou the composition so its kinda random and chaotic in that department. Also looks a bit stiff cus i focused so much on it looking pretty instead of it telling a story but ummm yeah

If youre wondering how i achieved this type of rendering/texture, its with normal student grade acryllic paints and a 10 year old paintbrush which has like 5 hairs on it and theyre all bent into an L shape bcs i keep forgetting my paintbrushes inside my water cup for weeks on end.. anyway so basically you just put some paint on, for the base colors/larger fields of color you use some water but then for the details you use NO water and just apply the paint DRY and do circular motions with the brush to blend it out and the texture of the paper does all the texturing for you, and if the brush isnt completely losing its shape and isnt practically begging for its life then youre doing it wrong

please consult the rendering of the hand please

I really don care for FuXuan bcs shes boring asf ingame but i drew this bcs i liked her character design and because somehow i genuinely thought i had even a sliver of chance to win a Honkai Starrail fanart competition and get some money which is actually insane, i know, i guess i was in a very delusional state of my life but i digress - when i checked out the website where the other entries were posted all the whimsy left my soul upon seeing multiple drawings of Clara (a child) with her dogs (bare feet) out, in suggestive poses, in the TOP RANKED ENTRIES (the entries were boosted by the community) and i never dared interact with the community again

You can download the font completely free of use, here!
(there is no numbers or special characters but i will probably add them eventually)

The theme for this series of illustrations was to depict a passage of time. Originally i considered making a depiction of how beauty standards change troughout history, but then the professor said something about depicting an original character and how they chage troughout time and i was like yessss... but thing is, i had absolutely zero concrete conceptualizations of any OCs, i had some random quotes and notes written but i was nowhere near to starting to actually build the world and story and all i had was a passing note i wrote in highschool about a robin-hood type character, and for whatever reason i chose to depict this random ass nonexistent character who like.. starts off as a servant of the kings, then supposedly revolts and starts robbing them when he breaks free, then becomes a greedy son of a bitch, which is like.. i get the message but... oh boy... actually nvm what the fuck even is the message? Dont rob snobs because then youre just as bad as them? HHUUEEGHHGGHRHRHRGRRR I HATE myself when im forced to shit something out bcs of deadlines brooo omg

Mister Beaster is cooking čevapčiči (i didnt get the chance to paint the čevapčiči on the grill cus i was lazy and i also lost the painting), ice king from hit tv show Adventure Time is trying to freeze the čevapčiči bcs he doesnt like čevapčiči but because Mister Beast is the antichrist he uses his demon powers to un-freeze the čevapčiči, thus they are stuck in an eternal loop of inedible čevapčiči. Shinji Ikari is very hungry. Behind them is a robber who is missing the lower half of his body and has no purpose in this story whatsoever. There are moon and stars out which means it is night time. Whitewashed Gunther is watching the events unfold as the forever-present witness of history. Mister Beast is shocked as always. If i had the chance to see this painting again i would for sure add neon green sound waves beaming from mister beast's cranium and a red circle pointing to an empty area in the room. Thank you for reading

Literally did not care about Albedo not even a little bit. Absolutely hated drawing this. Strange phase in my life..

Yuhhh what a perfect end to my highschool years, didnt even start thinking about the graduation project until 3 weeks before it was due, didnt show it to my mentor even once, experienced the single most stressfull week of my life while trying to draw a graduation worthy project in 7 days before the due date, and then got the highest grade somehow. The professors who graded me were very chill so i got lucky.

Here is the description / ideological basis of my project. Very romantic and stuff. The drawings dont really show the poetics i had in mind and are more akin to facebook comics but okay lol. Interesting that i still deeply believe by these words but they just hold much more meaning now since ive grown up, like.. back then they were kinda empty to my conciouss mind, but i guess subconciously i knew it was important to me to express this, because even now when im starting work on my illustration diploma project as i write this, i also found myself making something corny and philosophical VERY akin to this. Kinda cool? I guess i was born to be corny. (its an absurd conversation between the universe and humanity) Anyway here it is:

To live a human life is to find small meanings amidst the absurd.
I could listen to your new thoughts and discoveries for millenia, your curious ventures into the unknown, your bravery to challenge that which is stale and unmoving, and your unquenchable thirst for life.
You held the world in your hand and you molded it for yourself, you made it into something which does not exist, something new and exciting. You wrote stories of heros and villains and you made me love them both equally, made me care to see how their ventures end and start agian.
Creations were not meant to create. yet here you are, homosapien, hominid of hominids.
I could observe and wish to live like you, until the end of time. So when time ends, and space enters a new age, will you be there amidst this bottomless void, will you sit here in this abyss and sing me your songs, write me your poems as stars form anew around us? Will you be here with me and tell me stories of humankind, your brothers and sisters, will you tell me of the things which you have experienced for the last time, and see them goodbye as you close your eyes at your cousins birth, and welcome a new beginning? Tell me your stories, sing me your songs, speak to me about your poems, your love, your life, show me your creations, and let me be your audience - forever, and ever, and ever ,,
Exist with me, as what you have created into life and what life has created of you - has inspired our creators - homosapien, i love you, i love you, i love you. for finding this strange joy in your creation has inspired them to love the life they created trough your eyes

So live on, until the clock beats that fatal hour. when your life merely takes another shape. but as your mortal body decays back into the roots of the trees, your creations and your memories will live on for you, a monument for what once was (Her's reference haha.. anyway), in this small slice of time you inhabited so dearly, and changed the course of history solely by existing.

The actual english voice actor for Colt Grice commissioned this to sell as a print! (Griffin Burns)
Literally my first ever commissioned illustration, poor guy had to wait like 2 months for this bcs i was too depressed at the time to gaf and he kept requesting changes to his face and i totally get why now LMAO.
Also i am so sorry for drawing something as serious as a warzone as if its a melodramatic baroque religious scene where the guy is like sliding across the floor in slow motion and mogging you at the same time as bullets fly past him in slow motion and its just ummmm a bit weird. In my defence i was like 18 yo which is basically 12. The lighting fucks hard though, just not for a drawing depicting the stress of a warzone lmao my bad

i was so over working for quackity at that point i unironically drew him as a villain

in the middle of working on this i found out quackitys manager that i was working with was a weirdo to little girls and then after they replaced him with someone who i genuinely suspected of being a discord chat bot bcs of how uninformative and dry they were they sent me the merch with quackitys signature all over it and that was lowkey my last straw bcs this fucker quackity doesnt talk to me once or at least thank me once in my 3 yrs working for him, never credits me and straightup takes credit for my and my coworkers work and then sends us the shit we designed with his signature as if we gaf lmaooo who the fuck do you think you are bro i am not your fan BAHAHAHH couldnt even write "thanks" and then sign it with his name but nah it was straight up just his name on a box and clothing tag as if the very concept of his highness taking 2 minutes of his busy millionare life to open a marker and drag it across a surface would make us feel honoured or something, like the concept of him breathing onto the box and his skin cells touching the box would make us go WAWWWWW
like.. this is like if the millionare ceo of the company you work sends you a christmas bonus in the form of a cheap callendar and then slaps his signature all over the front page like an autograph lmao
like idk maybe this is just a me thing bcs i always thought the concept of autographs is weird and egotistical as shit

i hate this one with a burning passion so its going in the comment-box of hellfire

This fucker (quackity) genuinely only picked the designs i made in 2 seconds bcs i wanted to make the sketch page look more full than it actually is, the duck is even ripped from sketchfab, i just rotated the duck and copy pasted the silhuette on with icons that are stylistically completely different, and the original color of the hoodie wasnt even like this, it was like some super saturated blue color that you see on 'boys toys', yk like that super saturated blue plastic color so it looked like the most fortnite skibidi rizz kid hoodie of all time AAHHH
And dont even get me started on the purple car design bro they fucked my shit UP bro the actual printed design was completely washed out and colorless, also on the brightest most obnoxiously purple colored fabric of all time and im so sorry to anyone who bought that abomination bcs it was actually supposed to look good TT and also literally why is it a front design, i swear none of this was my decision all the bad decisions werent made by me trust

i thought this went soo hard in 2021

inspired by eevee's music, i was obsessed at the time, specially "Lily" and "I believe in dreams", soo dreamy

i mean.. call this cringe all you want but you cant deny i fucking cooked with the rendering, the scratches on the mirror bro?? kino

this is what 10,000 pixels of pure cringe looks like

Literally my FIRST EVER commissioned work! For my favourite youtuber at the time! Wow!

He never credited me for my work which i was super bitter about at the time but uhh.. now im lowkey glad my name wasnt plastered next to some of these online on twitter when i was 17 AND it was covid.. still though this guy seemingly has a problem crediting people for their work which ultimately put me off

A redraw of this image from like.. 2017 maybe?

later i redrew her eyes bcs i figured out that its like a cone shape or whatever and it changes soo muchh, like it actually gives her a soul

There was some story about humans ruining nature but i removed the text bcs i was 16 and it was cringe af (and it was literally just an Avatar rip off (the blue ones))

idunno whats going on with her lips either man

this was my attempt at copying ruan jia and wlop combined

I did a redraw of the image below with my online friend at the time and i swear my knowledge of english wasnt very uhhh expanded

Digital footprint is NOT real and it cant hurt me (i became quackitys merch designer a year after this btw)